Struggle with hatred
Hello brothers and sisters,
im not sure if this is the right place for this topic, if its wrong, @mods please move it, i couldnt find any other place to post this.
Im a 24y old young man, im walking with the Lord for about 4 years now, but i have alot of struggle with hatred towards my parents..
My mother is the kind of woman mentioned by salomon in proverbs 21:9
"It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house."
And a verse that could describe my father is ephesians 6:4
"And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."
They basically raised me on fear (physical abuse) and terror (alot of shouting and insulting)
Here is one example of the physical abuse i had to go trough:
Once at the age of about 6, i was beaten with a belt by my father so hard, i still have scars on my back from it.
Both my parents were mentally and physically abusive and i was always confused about myself and the world.
I didnt understand why i just couldnt fit in anywhere.. i was always kinda different, because of the psychological damage
Last year i was thinking alot about it and i realised, that the reason why im socially isolated, is because my parents destroyed my trust in people
and that they never taught me any kind of social skills.. (i even had problems to find a job, but PRAISE BE TO THE LORD, that i found one last year!)
And when i figured out, why i was socially isolated, my hatred grew even more towards them.
I know that hatred is a sin, but i simply cant help it and i ask Jesus every day for forgiveness..
I dont like beeing filled with hate, it gives me headaches and its not what Jesus would want for me.
Yesterday my dad held a speech about how i should be F.ing women (yes he literally told me to fornicate, i guess somebody is desperate for grandchildren)
Then he told me that i have chosen the easy way, that i chose from the bible whatever i want and that i dont truly follow it..
Then he told me, that i should follow the 10 commandements, if i want to be a real christian and that anything else in the bible is written by man
(basically implying that only the 10 commandements count and that we are to follow them)
He says ive chosen the easy way, because i showed him the verse, about when paul said, that its better for a man to not get married and i told him, that i dont want to get married.. in fact even if i wanted to, i couldnt, because i dont have the necessary social skills to even get into a relationship, but i refuse to tell him that.. he will only make another stupid comment, about how im gay or a woman or something.. (he made many of these comments back in the past)
He loves to talk alot, especially when he can trash down my life, so i chose to mock every single of his statements sarcastically with gestures
When he finally walked out, my entire body was shaking (probably because of some trauma that he was the cause of)
and i was filled with hate towards him..
He wants me to open up to him, he wants me to tell him more about my life, but i know, that the day i open up to him again, all he will do is mock me.
The last time i opened up to him (told him that i was jogging with a friend), he made a comment about how im gay.. And on that day i went angry into the shower and i told myself, that im never going to tell him anything about my life ever again (that happened, when i was about 18)
I dont like beeing filled with hatred, but every day when im beeing reminded of my shortcomings in life, i have to think about how i was treated by my parents and that the reason im so far behind many people, is because of my lack of social skills..
Please pray for me and my peace!
when i was still lost, also had a great hatred towards my parents for like reasons, they weren't physically abusive though! the hate consumed me and in my thirties i finally cut all contact with them. this did not go down well with them, but was needed for my survival. basically cut ties with entire family for many years, was able to find love in my heart for my parents again, being able to forgive them, but absolutely never returning to patch things up. i knew they would completely destroy me if i did, they had not changed. they have both passed on now and i have peace about it all. when i listen to my siblings say horrible things about them, i can't bear it, my heart does not hold that hate anymore. being free of evil communications is freedom indeed. praise the Lord! praying for you! all glory to God through Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour!
just woke up to see this woah how similar there brother, don't think mine upbringing was as bad but close to yours, all post more detailed response later, to say one thing though I don't Love my parents like I Love the Lord, i just pray for there salvations now i don't wish them harm that would anger me if someone hurt them, regardless they need to get right with Jesus before I can restore true fellowship even though there my 'parents'. Interesting topic not bad.
Hey Brother to share a little more of my background I’m 27 and for many years up till probably 22 I had self-confidence social anxiety problems. (Using some worldly terminology/labels to make more understandable) As lost man I just drink tons of hard liquor quart a day for year’s 19/22ish to cope with the stress. Growing up my parents were not saved folks my mother was emotional abusive I guess that’s what it’s called lots of yelling and slamming cupboard doors etc. She’s a catholic btw please pray for her could be some tie ins there with her state, continuing an my father was a hard working fellow but did not take his role and responsibility of being head of the family serious enough and turned to drinking as his outlet. He’s made nasty remarks to me aswell. Also growing up I hadn’t much proper discipline so I was forced on medication for ADHD as a child 7 at time, Lord only knows the long term damage those pills may have done, so being drugged out and yelled at for years certainly affected me growing up, and as a teen and older I became very bitter/mad against my folks, only till recently when I became born again and saved have I been able to be at peace and accept what has been past. Ye must be born again there’s a reason it’s called born again. Truth is your folks are Lost and don’t have that peace that passes all understanding, an much like my parents its very evident even now they don’t have it, so in regards to hatred I don’t hate them I hate that there lost and could be saved but when that time comes at the Great White Throne all be yelling Amen to everything the Lord says. Being born again I now have a Heavenly Father that loves and cares for me in ways my folks just can’t, also have a new large family with many members the ‘Body of Christ’ If your saved (Not saying you ant) realize you have a new family. I’m still single if the Lord Provides a godly wife that would be a big blessing like you brother I have a hard time even now with this relationship thing, I just try not to lean on my own understanding an pray in the Lords time he will provide; so I pray for you brother ask the Lord if a wife would help in your walk/life. To wrap up like Ephesians 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath. Realize we were lost an wicked once aswell just like are parents here but now we don’t have to live like that no more. John 8:36 If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed. I suspect the more you grow in your walk with the Lord the easier it will be to let go of that hatred and come to understand your folks are in spiritual darkness 2 Corinthians 4:4 they need the Truth and if they reject him well need I say more. Nowadays in regards to being social an stuff i realize everyone is effected with a major sickness called SIN and it has many side effects, so i understand why people act the way they do if that makes sense, be not conformed to this world Romans 12:2 don't label yourself as whatever for not wanting to mix with the 'crowd' other then the work setting or witnessing oppruitinies i actively avoid people in the world and have much peace for it. That’s my blurb brother maybe made some sense an you can relate. Take your troubles to the Lord.
@kulpink You need to leave your parents' house!
everything you shared here just reminds me of my teen hood so much! It will be easier for you to just leave, don't even tell them where you going!
From my personal experience, my communist mother was beating me and my sister up for no reason almost every day when we lived in her house, nothing changed till I ran away from home when I was 18, she would call me a whore and nasty names etc, I didn't care, I just left! It was easier to "love" my mother from a distance.
I am sorry to hear what you are going though, I will be praying for you.
Brother, hatred is not a sin. Be angry and sin not, meaning you don't do anything vengeful, but vengeance is for the Lord. Romans 12:9 Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Abhor is defined as: To hate extremely, or with contempt; to loathe, detest or abominate. King David said in Psalm 139:22 I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies. Nothing wrong with wanting for God's judgment to come upon their lives. You should report your parents for abuse. I didn't report any of them abusing me, my dad got away with his molestation. My mom wasn't judged for her physically abusing me. Now God is judging them in his own way now. I see them suffering in their life. I would caution you to not rejoice when they fall. Read Proverbs 24:17-18 for reference.
Proverbs 8:13, The fear of the LORD is to hate evil: pride, arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth do I hate.
Ecclesiastes 3:8, A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
For your comfort brother:
Psalm 27:10, When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.
Isaiah 26:3, Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
Isaiah 26:4, Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:
Psalm 62:8, Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.